I love my kids. They are my world and anyone who knows me would never argue that fact. As their mom, I get the best of them. They pick me flowers, brush my hair, and wrap their arms around me and tuck their heads into that crook of my neck that I swear was made just for their precious little heads. There’s nothing to describe the joy they bring me. I thank God for them every day.
That being said, they are more work than I ever could have imagined. I never envisioned myself even having kids. I thought I’d be perfectly happy with dogs but just like everything else, God had different plans for us. One month and one day after my husband and I were married, we found out we were expecting. In May 2007, I delivered the first of 2 angels; our daughter. Two years and 6 days after that, I gave birth to our son. Perfect pregnancies and perfect deliveries. And on days where they challenge my abilities and test my patience the most, I’d go through labor all over again just to make the screaming, crying, whining, and messes, stop.
I love the quote from Rajneesh who said, “The moment a child is born, the mother is also born. She never existed before. The woman existed, but the mother, never. A mother is something absolutely new.” This is 100% true. Nothing you can do can prepare you for what’s coming your way.
Since having kids, I’ve become quite the multi-tasker. I used to pride myself on being able to breastfeed and chop an onion all at the same time. Now that my kids are about 2 weeks away from turning both 4 & 2, I’ve come to a place where my need to multi-task has left me exhausted, both mentally and physically. I stay up until midnight just so I can have some time to myself. I have a wonderful husband and Mom who give me time away, whenever I need it. But, as most moms know, you still feel guilty for even wanting to leave in the first place and when you do leave find yourself rushed to get back.
I was diagnosed with adrenal fatigue a few months ago but didn’t tell many people. It’s basically where your body is under so much stress that your adrenals cannot keep up. It can cause fatigue, irritability, acne, and a host of other symptoms. I got a B-12 shot, some Gingkola Tonic, and Rhodiola from my Naturopath (although not covered by my insurance) and in a couple weeks felt like a new person. Fast forward a month and I found myself out of my supplements and subsequently, out of my energy and patience, yet again.
Last Sunday was Mother’s Day and I’ve got to admit it was one of the most challenging days as a mother I’ve ever had. Our son, who is a handful to say the very least, was testing my patience even more than usual. I nearly had a mental breakdown and with my Mom and brothers there to witness it all, I knew they were concerned. It was a huge turning point for me. It just had to be. I got down on my knees that night and prayed for wisdom, guidance, and patience; something I do every day but this time I prayed with more vigor and an extra sense of purpose.
The next day, I rushed out and got another B-12 shot, this time covered by my MD. I was in and out of the office in less than 30 seconds. Then I went to the health food store and got more adrenal supplements. Something about just making the decision to put yourself first, can be a huge mental victory.
I’m happy to report that I’m on the upswing and realize I need to put myself first. As moms, we make the mistake of thinking we need to put our kids first. But what good are we to them if we’re stressed, irritable, and impatient with them? I strongly encourage anyone who feels overwhelmed to seek help. You don’t need to feel this way and you’re not doing anyone any good by ignoring that feeling in your gut that tells you something isn’t right.
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